Portuguese players not on loan - they've already signed deals at Hearts insists agent.

Four defeats in a row. A lack of big money big player signings. Question mark over the captaincy for next season. As the summer turns slowly into panto season half a year before Christmas, things have taken a bizarre turn yet again.

The agent for Portuguese duo, Zezinando and Joao Moreira has claims the players have already signed three years deal for Hearts. Paulo Barbosa is insisting that the [air put pen to paper on contracts in, gulp, Lithuania, where they also underwent medicals.

The Tynecastle club are denying this has actually happened, stating that the players are only in Edinburgh on a trial basis.

Moreira and Zezinando both have a bit of pedigree. Moreira is a striker whose been on the books of Valencia. Zezinando, meanwhile, is a midfielder who was at Sporting Lisbon. The problem for many Jambo's is that it makes the club look a bit farcical. Disputes over players signing is bad enough, but the fact that this is said to have happened in Lithuania makes people wonder if Jambo gaffer Csaba Laszlo has actually had a say in the players capture. Or trial. Whatever it is they call it nowadays.

Now all we need is an old man dressed like a woman, a woman dressed like a little boy and a the backend of a cow to be revealed as a centre half, and we'd be complete!

Boo, hiss..!